The fact my wife has always been hung up on her ex? He denies that he is having an affair but I know that he is. In fact I hung up on her one time only And that was two days after my mom passed away and she ridiculed me for it. Him trying to label me crazy and insane while he was sipping champagne with her on an exotic cruise. I dont regret it because it has made me wise and empathetic to those who have walked in my footsteps. In order to stay mentally strong, remember to practice self-care and reach out for support. She even used our children as pawns to get a better separation agreement. It is so hard to understand how men could treat us nice one day and becomes evil the next day. Let her go and cut off all contact with her. Or across from a police station without getting caught. Over the past twenty years, I have seen marriage after marriage salvaged when a couple came for help though only one spouse wanted to save the marriage. Why shouldnt he have to go through some of the same stuff that we have had to endure? And i just knew that sounded like nonsense, but let if fly by me. I would really appreciate your comments and thoughts on this situation, what you believe is the truth, and you can be totally honest, open and to the point with me. Are you going through a belated midlife crazy? he asked. Maybe they couldnt qualify clinically as a sociopath, but we all know people from ordinary life who wouldnt qualify technically and nevertheless wed never make ourselves vulnerable to them by choice. Heres how to maintain your sanity. Cheating spouses suck. . Ultimately, marriage will work if both of you are matured and ready in many ways, but what happens when you rush into marriage? She is in the throws of a lifestage based chemical addiction. I told my kids that she needed to move to be happy. Divorce attorneys assist with divorces due to infidelity on a regular basis over their careers. Then he filed for divorce. I worked so hard to support her and our son. Using the legal system to bankrupt your mate: The judicial system needs to do a better job setting limits with these obnoxious characters. You sign up to go to therapy if you are unhappy. Our son is nearly 7 and its nearly impossible to co-parent with my ex. My wife cheated on me online. Let those losers go and focus on yourself. Perhaps you have advice. I was speechless and am still pondering her words while as i speak she is out on a date with a man who in just one week seem to be falling in love with and commented to her that she never acted that way towards me and even i can tell shes head over heals and im sitting here wondering what is wrong with this picture. Kibbles the little w*****feed them. That means his only son wont have anything to do with him and he must live with that. Its been awful trying to get through this. His lectures on stress reduction, Being too aggressive and rushing into marriage isnt going to make your partner fall in love with you even more. You meet someone, and you just know that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, but how soon is too soon to get married? Thank you! Mu husband hates me and we getting divorce.He left me abd my daughter on vacation and ended our 7 year marriage via voice msg.I could not reach him: he changed phone nr. Men have long been silent and stoic about their inner lives, but theres every reason for them to open up emotionallyand their partners are helping. Exercise. And, some are beyond any pain or exhaustion I ever thought Id feel. Heres a video that will help you figure out when you are ready for marriage: Remember rushing into marriage may only lead to disappointments and divorce. No apology. Read about Divorce in Seattle | Tacoma Family Lawyer - McKinley The more I tel him just how deep my pain goes he flips on me like I am nothing and nobody who is gravelong at his feet but that is not its all I feel SO BETRAYED AND THE LONGER I AM IN CONTACT With THIS BRICK WALL THE MORE I GIVE HIM THE ABILITY TO BETRAY ME OVER AND OVER. Why A Husband Will Sometimes Give You Mixed Signals About Still Wanting A Divorce: Many wives in this situation assume that their husband is sending them mixed signals because hes either trying to play some emotionally charged game, hes trying to boost his own ego, hes trying to maintain a good relationship despite the divorce, or he really I have asked for forgiveness for hurting him, but has shown no remorse for my actions. Ive passed most of the stages you speak of, although some are ongoing still after 3 years. Infidelity with 6 different men which I know about and last week she brought one of these pieces of garbage to our second home. I am not saying infidelity is right, but I am saying that we are all human and just because we made THAT mistake or choice does not make us the scum of the earth, it makes us human just like the rest of you who have made a lot of mistakes or choices of your own. Love should involve emotion and reason; but regrettably, your rational faculties can be swept away by powerful amorous feelings. We met and married in China when i was there working. His attorney did not have a chance to win. My inlaws died last year. Hang in there gorl, youve got this, there are a lot of people just on this site who I am sure can realte and will be praying and encouraging you through this! I divorced my cheating ex husband of over 20 years. The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. I have been married to a very attractive Chinese woman that is now 46 for the last 10 years. For those over 50, the rate of divorce for those who are in remarriages is 2.5 times higher than for those in first marriages. I cant give advice. Consistently ridiculing your estranged spouse in front of your children: Creating loyalty conflicts wont serve your children well. I still can hardly believe that he became like a monster. You tried as best as you knew how, yet our spouse wasnt able or capable of doing the same. His choices are down to him and him alone. No one is listening. I want her back she does not break up with me but what i do now that she come back to me without i beg her to come back its now challenging to my self respect.what i text her last msg i just need your advices to deal this sort of problem . It ended so abruptly and quickly. 8 Signs Indicating Insecurity in Relationships, If you find yourself asking your partner about your. We are not crazy, we are not at fault (except for being Co-dependents.) Here are seventeen distasteful and oftentimes provoking maneuvers employed by both men and women during the divorce process: Forgive me if Ive missed a few dirty deeds but Ive simply run out of ideasIm also getting nauseous. Any advice would be appreciated. Ive been married for 30 years and been. And for the first time in 2 yearsI can see him (them) from a distance, and it looks like a sad, sad picture to me. But at one point I had to accept it all, let the past go and move forward. With our divorce rate in the world increasing dramatically and experiencing this woman who turned evil (or maybe already was behind my blinded eyes) and actually forget the children she bore, proves to me that Satan is working extremely hard and much harder as time goes on to lie, kill and destroy and that Jesus is very close. My ex was a notorious womanizer and exploitive sociopath. You need to focus on yourself and not her. But, with the young kids its impossible. God judges all deceptions the same, why should infidelity be any different? How to Cut Expanded Metal. There are a few immediate steps you could consider if you and your spouse have discussed getting a divorce. I lost our 6 baby.again no remorse gor things he said and have do e to me snd my daughter.i never experiance so much hate, hostility.my calm, charming husband who always did everything for us turned pure evil.he made it everything about his son blaming me he lost his years with him because of me.because I supposed to care and i should suggested taking him from his mom(? There are an awful lot of women that once the children reach a certain age, their body chemistry resets to emotionally and physically move on. Allowing your attorney to needlessly slander your spouse: Some lawyers can get out of control and its your job to stop them. I told her unless she gets help, she will leave the children with me along with the house. I feel Im on the edge of a cliff. Most nights, she tells me (after drinking and smoking non stop) that were done, she wants a divorce, doesnt want to be married to me, never really loved me, I make her depressed when Im there, shes not attracted to me, has no sexual interest in me etc. Still, I tried so hard to help him. I too know your pain oh so well..my wife cheated on me after 17 yrs and thought nothing of it nor does to this date..does not care what her kids feel or her family. My heart goes out to you. I, the loyal and dedicated husband, am the one in the way. Life throws you many storms. I am just flabbergasted at how any woman could do this and give up a devoured husband who forgave her and was a dedicated husband and father for 20 years. These people who steal husbands away are weak and sad creaturesits like shooting fish in a barrel. that youre not married, and you feel threatened that your significant other might meet someone else. If your spouse wants a divorce because you have an addiction (which includes behavioral addictions like those to gambling or pornography as well as substance addictions like those to alcohol or drugs), you had an affair, or you are abusive, you must get treatment to work on the issue. Trust is Earned it is not givin. Almost identical to my situation almost 3 years ago (except not only was there no legit explanation; rather, he left me with two little kids under 5 yrs. People, if youre unhappy and its time to get out, just do it. Nor would I put myself ever again in a family that did not accept me because I loved him and came along side him and believed in him. Couldnt get it. Life can be so hard and I have been through it twice and losing a wife to cancer in between. Just crazy. This is definitely one of the wrong reasons to get married. I was told I will come to work if you are nice to me TRUE! I knew he was getting high and deep down, I knew he was cheating as well. Although I have a lot of sympathy for your situation it does seem that yours is not an exception and that you do feel victimized as the rest do. It may be a pastor, a friend, a parent, or even one or more of your children (if mature). My thinking also is she has a chinese girfriend here that is divorced, 39, gorgeous, and before when the wife and i were together and fine, she had told me this gf of hers told her she is very lucky to have a husband like me, etc etc. Yours were yelled from the roof top. Wish You the best of luck, thanks for sharing! My business income took a 50% dive and with it the value of the company and here I am still, in debt to the tune of almost 1/2 a million dollars, credit maxed out, still trying to hold it all together. He is golfing continually. Stop now, and demonstrate that you will treat him or her with utmost respect and equality. Thanks for letting me vent and glad to have MOVED ON! Including: Your childrens care and feelings Finances Worry you will be be destitute Custody Co-parenting After a few months wondering what I did that was so horrific that shed sacrifice everything , and loving her to the point of sacrificing my life for her if need be (sounds melodramatic but nonetheless true) I realized 2 things. My ex came to me 3 days before Valentines Day. My revenge was silence and taking him to court and getting alimony awarded. This world is extremely corrupt but obviously not corrupt enough for Jesus to return. In my clinical experience, this is the number one cause and common thread. While many of us have seen couples who cant afford to divorce or even to live apart, studies of gray divorce show that those who divorce are less likely to have college degrees or to be working. I deserve so much more. I blamed myself. Yes, my ex did the same and much more. Its helps wring stuff on here. So, if youre taking the road most often traveled to divorce, hopefully both you and your partner will exhibit grace under pressure. The coldness you experience is her way of managing the guilt. Hi friends. He finally left me 6 months later for another woman. My Spouse Just Asked for a Divorce (and I Don't Want One). One day she will realize she is throwing away a good man! https://www.guystuffcounseling.com/counseling-men-blog/dos-and-donts-when-you-say- Regarding Momof2 we can see an absolute example of narcissistic personality disorder with co-morbid psychiatric disorders. She has shown no remorse, and sent me just two sentences of an apology in a couple of texts. Tips for Getting Things Back on Track If You Hope to Reconcile. There are actually no more burden than before the divorce since I was the only one who took care of them following their infancy. Sign up and Get Listed. I absolutely agree with your comment. Im retired from my career at a local university, he retired from manufacturing. She probably wont understand it herself, shell just be sexually and emotionally triggered by the attention of other men and that chemical hit will be so powerful she wont want to resist it. She hated being with me. Thanks, Bill. What Is the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale? Yes, this nightmare will end eventually. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. In my opinion nothing makes th happy. As well, they cant think clearly, etc. I expect its gonna be uncomfortable to talk about, maybe not so nice and it will probably hurt feelings but now more than it already has! I know I am responsible for not picking myself up soon er but this is the most painful experience of my life. I left her a year into the marriage; I filed for divorce. Take time to reflex on the positive aspect of your life. This is what happens when many of us men had our wives that cheated on us, and many of us were the real faithful ones from the very beginning right to the very end. I am not alone, you are not alone. I can really relate. It has been Malay a year and a half and he is happily together and sleeping in my motor home that I bought to bring our family closer together. The sooner we detach ourselves from these low life men the sooner we make ourselves see them for what they really are selfish, self entitled and therefore remorseless and the sooner we will come to accept that even if they did apologise it wouldnt make any difference. Webdried fish with molds safe to eat; is maureen stapleton related to jean stapleton. I sold what I had to fight him and he lived in that tin box at 35 below zero, almost died. One day in February this year, 2021, he walked into the kitchen as I was preparing supper and said he had to get out of here for a couple of days. and call her what i think she is etc, etc, but then i thought no, say absolutely nothing to her, get smart and now play the same game as she is playing with me, fight fire with fire, so to speak. I hope you heal soon and have learned a great deal out of this whole ordeal, Hi im new to this website, and found all ur posts helpful. You cannot love someone if you dont know, Life is not a fairy tale that will give you a happily-ever-after. Ive always hope for the best tried my best but I get so frustrated with the way she treats me. Sometimes I am still in disbelief like you and I ask how could he do something like that ? Well. He advised that she would continue to see me as an enemy as long as the affair was going on, and would only consider treating me with anything but brutal unkindness after she was willing to end the affair. Repeat. The Secret to a Happy Relationship Is Empathy, Why Certain Women Prefer a Man Who's More Feminine, 4 Ways to Heal and Move On After a Breakup, 3 Ways to Tell Where Love Ends and Toxicity Starts. Relative wealth can be a protective factor against gray divorce. Everyone is so quick to judge, like you have done nothing wrong EVER in your life. Stay strong. Such a powerful statement. They might divorce. I am still sorry for hurting him. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. And what did he tell me? He sends me text messages from time to time, has threatened suicide. Teaming up with your lover to plot a divorce from your spouse: Theres nothing like actively enlisting someone to help you destroy your own family. I had already had a tough life with no parents and no support . My son is 21and in college. A common dirty divorce trick is to ask the utility companies to shut off water, electricity, phone, and TV before leaving the home. He blamed me for everything wrong in the relationship but now I know it was him and not me. Eventually they will face the same outcome as us when they get devalued and disregarded. If your spouse agrees reluctantly, do not become frustrated and refuse because of his lack of desire. Because you neglected to see that you neglect your partner. Slowly trying to get my sanity. Something is really wrong with the universe How EFFED up is that? She was married to a severely mentally ill man who died young from lung cancer and he says she talks him through his rough times. Now she tells me she would have stayed married to me because of my condition WOW that hurts, then followed it up with I should have known we really never clicked! How not to win friends and influence people. To the people who cheat on their spouses , I can only say shame on you, you are the biggest cowards , liars and losers . After being so confused as to how a person could live with themselves after lying, cheating, stealing, being abusive and who is an alcoholic; I did some extensive studies so I could move on. Can You Tell Me a Creepy Psychological Trick? As I reached out for support, I found women with similar stories. Let the loser go. If someone caused this amount of pain through a physical assault, they would be sent to prison for life! However, you are beautiful and have many great things yet to come. Trying to keep the person you love from leaving by pleading, begging, arguing, demanding, apologizing, or manipulating typically fails terribly. She regrets nothing. This outdated statistic has many young people hesitant to tie the knot. I was a mess because I knew something was wrong. Omg. Rushing to end the marriage could involve speeding through the settlement, possibly resulting in an I have come to accept that the marriage wasnt good he used communication as a way of being manipulative and he rarely showed empathy. With him i just need help on how to approach him and what to say so im not yelling. I know for a fact that when she wanted or needed me, I was there, she chose to leave, when she cheated and I knew nothing other than what intuition told me, I foolishly offered to stay if she would tell me the truth, luckily for me she snapped and bolted and attacked through email. After 20+ years with my husband, I find out about his cheating from our 14 year old child who he actually took on a vacation with the other woman. Shell be nervous but feel elated and high on chemicals at the same time. Mu husband hates me and we getting divorce.He left me abd my daughter on vacation and ended our 7 year marriage via voice msg.I could not reach him: he changed phone nr. The divorce process can be hurried along, but rushing can affect a couples ability to think clearly amidst so much emotion leaving them unable to consider all of their options (even the less obvious ones) and make the best decisions on parenting issues, where to live and what to do with the house, and who gets what. A year after rediscovering each other, they married and recently celebrated their seventh wedding anniversary. After my ex husband left me and his son for a you g co worker after 20 plus years marriage , I did not worry or fear. My ex narc hole who I now call (SATAN) is out of my life. i noticed now after my brain fog is gone how much he lied to me. I will never communicate with him again in my life. There were any number of paths he could have chosen to take, none of which involved cheating, but unfortunately he chose to hurt you because he is just that kinda guy! I hope everyone on here is able to find the healing they need and its nice to see Im not alone in going through all of this. In the end, you should be strong, confident, and grounded no matter what, as you cannot place your worth in his or anyone elses hands. 8v had no text or contact from him and iv not contacted him either, but im so hurt that hes not shown ANY remorse it questions whether he had ANY love for me atall? This is annoying, childish, and easy to fix. It cost me plenty to buy him out and even still I had to shut down the manufacturing operation because of skills he had that I couldnt easily replace. Dont let social pressure or your desperation blind you into making a huge mistake. Yes you read this right. New research reveals women face a trade-off when rating men's attractiveness. For the first time in two years, I let go of the rope. He bragged about her on facebook and all his friends loved seeing them together. My daughter, is now 16 and will soon need to be in college herself. After I supported his army career moving around the world for him for many years. This is a great article. I was devastated, hospitalized for depression. My ex husband planned his exit many months ,maybe a year behind my back. I feel less of a man and my mental health has been compromised a lot to the point of anticipating killing myself, but I still believe in Khama and what goes around comes around. She laughed with her step brother in my drive the day she moved her things, I stood crying 20 feet away. But because of the affair, she was emotionally preoccupied and filed divorce. Good posts recently. I am so happy that I found the strength to say no more. agreeddont waste your life dragging out an apology that is insincere to begin with.so much living to do without spending your time with an immature, lazy, compulsive lying, porn addict spouse like I did.. Thank you Kay49 for your comments and I find yours and all these other postings so familiar in the heartache, shock and anger that goes along with no closure, no apology. Why do you apologise for anything at all? There is a long list of things that people supposedly know about gray divorce: that the rate of those over 50 who are divorcing has doubled in less than 30 years, that such divorces happen in the wake of midlife craziness or after the nest has emptied or that only those rich enough to start over are willing to risk divorce later in life. I gave it all to God. They both conveniently deleted the messages, so there goes any proof. Evenspouses who say they want to divorce may be somewhat ambivalentabout that decision. I am not sure how I would deal with your situation because of the minor kids. I cry aways and cant let any man near me . I waited for apologies during the almost 4 years of marriage, and i got them sometimes after insisiting to get them from him Your comments and thought would be appreciated as well as therapeutic for me. If you truly want to avoid divorce, you must demonstrate that you are capable of real change. In response to threats, tantrums, and manipulations, often a person gives in. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Dr. Howell also received in 1974, a Master of Arts in Religion from Yale Divinity School, where he The reason I did that is because it wouldnt have made a difference. Is there another woman? God help us all, our fleeting existence and our fragile hearts, but there is love out there for alland it starts with letting go, loving yourself and understandingI may never get an apology, but I will get my heart back. is also a regionally known expert on the Enneagram, a method Use email or text. You become too excited about moving to the next step, even if you are just starting to know each other. Even after you get married, you will have trials that will test, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3852369/, https://www.researchgate.net/publication/324680369_Marital_Satisfaction_and_Communication_Skills_among_Married_Couples, https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/feeling-unsatisfied-your-relationship/i-feel-insecure-my-relationship, 7 Married Life Predictions to Signify if Your Marriage Will Last, Useful Insights into the Readiness Factors for Marriage, 8 Signs of Lack of Readiness in Marriage And Ways to Overcome it, Ready or not? Feeling lost at sea after a breakup? Now back to reality. She continued and still continues to harass me even without a response from me. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time; our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext. I showed proof of is infidelity and no one cared. From this list you can click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. The icing on the cake is she allowed my 2 oldest boys to believe that it was all my fault resulting in my relationships with them ending, when really, she should have been wearing my shoes since It was her actions and lies I finally reacted to. Though it sounds absurd, try it for yourself. It isnt. The ability to repent for an act of betrayal requires a level of evolution that most people never aspire to reaching. In my opinion you need to let her go. He was the love of my life. Nikki. Overcome obstacles separately. He said serious affairs last an average of two years, so I should be prepared for at least that length of time before expecting any kindness or consideration from her. The one question that still plagues me is just in terms of humanity and respect and decency, how can someone do all that and never once have any remorse, and refuse to even be peaceful, instead of continue to try to hurt. I left life threats on his voice mail, trashed both of them to family, friends and their friends all over facebook on 2 continents. After 20 years he wanted his freedom , he wanted ha Harley Davidson motorcycle , his income for himself, he wanted young minions for sex. I moved five times and had no money to speak of and no family to help. So other than be the only one working, cooking, cleaning, raising the puppy we had, paying for her to go party and cheat and gas and food and any activities she wanted to do. I was gaslighted by my narcissistic, sociopath ex husband for over 20 years. Even if it hurts. I cant deny that in even the slightest bit. It is horrible, absolutely hauntingly mad, to accept such an answer from someone you care so much about. If there is no truth, there is no trust, there cant be love. I hired the best attorney I could find to fight my evil husband in divorce court. The problem is courts always side with the women. I see how we can work this out.. I really do disagree with everyone who will not take accountability for their spouses betrayal. Those relationships NEVER work out. Its MY fault! I divorced him and never looked back. Either way, its a gut-wrenching, life changing event. That breaks my heart !! Yes, I had all the emotions we all do, like Lisa right now, hurting so damn bad and powerless to do anything about it. Read about porn. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them.
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