narcissist pretending to be autistic

I had no less than 3 personality disorders in a span of 10 years before getting an autist diagnose. He sure as hell wasnt schizophrenic. All I ever wanted was to be valued and to feel like I was an important person in his life. The DVD was called Imagine Having Aspergers Syndrome. He spoke about one of his patients having an attitude that he was king and the rest of his family were his servants. There is definitely overlap between the two based on this article and we need to look at people who may be both narcisistic and on the spectrum. but regularly interrups whatever I am doing to demand attention NOW. I am VERY easy to wind up, tease and upset which absolutely delights the more sadistic narc. I wouldnt have survived to write this if I hadnt had an enormous amount of very good quality help from books, friends and therapists. For one thing, both are on a spectrum. 4. Courage is needed along with perciverance. Ive started to see a counselor to gain better understanding of myself and to try to change but Im now worries that maybe my narcissistic side is manipulating this poor fellow and were just pretending to deal with things that arent the root cause of my problems that ultimately present as abuse or neglect of my spouse. From what you have said I can see a certain amount of manipulation going on. Its just that they are not equipped to figure all i could, and the society itself is built to protect narcs and not the opposite. Since mirror neurons are part of the brains social interaction systeminvolved with social cues, imitation, empathy, and the ability to decode intentions of otherssome scientists have found that people on the autism spectrum have a dysfunctional mirror neuron system (University of California, San Diego, 2005). Hehe. I dont, because i understand that every work or situation have pros and cons. Hi Jenny, Ive been married a couple of times and had different intimate encounters along my journey in life, and also a 30yr friendship with a man with, what I described as a condition. I also realise I have been happy to get into narcissistic relationships in the past without knowing what I was getting into. Although I still dont believe he is. Narcissism or Aspergers? Perhaps stepping back from your family, husband and anyone else in your life, and trying to feel if they have good vibes (as my autistic daughter says) may allow you to find those you want in your life and those you dont. Weve been married 32 years and I was a therapist for 20 of those years. For many of us that is something we can only dream of. Ive found I can be friendly and develop some important close relationships, inspite of the stubborn Narcissist/autistic barage of put downs and emotional abuse from him. For many years I idolised him, protected him and always put myself last in every area, even walking through a doorway etc. After a month or so of this I asked my son and some male friends about the remarks and they said what he was saying was disrespectful to me and I should stop seeing him. If people have no decent care in childhood and adolescence all they can do is put themselves first and take no prisoners. Do not expect the person to ever have empathy or compassion for you. I liken it to the logic of the Vulcan in Star Trek. Hyde), Wants a playbook (structure and predictability), On a spectrum from low functioning to high functioning, On a spectrum from normal-range behavior to. Were taking time apart now as he thinks were not compatible because I didnt show enough interest in some historical place we were at and I lectured for an hour (was really about 15) about a subject I liked while at another historical place and he feels the list has gotten too long.. Should I chalk it up or try to understand this affectionate but one sided man? Psys and therapists say its impossible that i be narc, impossible. They dont understand that if you are in a hospital, you must care help.. thats YOUR JOB. When he has a rage its off the scale! I was a smart sensitive autistic kid in a family of monsters. 1. Prior to 2012, people with mild symptoms, considered high functioning, were identified as having Aspergers syndrome. Thats changing because she has done so much therapy and is in a healthier place than she could ever have hoped to be. She was diagnosed only two years ago and is now 34. Ive a small group of friends so this support helps. For what? Develop healthy, happy connections within other relationships. I probably triggered her to self-medicate. But we do have good times and the rages only happen every 5 or 6 months. Well, finally after two + years with my boyfriend I finally got the courage to leave. I watched a DVD recently by a psychologist called Dr Richard Eisenmeyer. It doesnt bother me at the time, but the next couple of days Im shaky inside and feel a bit sick. It's what works for you. Another was made by the psychologist Dr Richard Eisenmajer called Imagine Having Aspergers Syndrome, A first consultation. It may help the person feel in control, superior, or powerful. I watch everyone outside .. its a free-for-all in the world. Others dont want to see me.. i dont want to see them gg lol. We all need enjoyment in life. Can anyone suggest what I can do ???? Author clearly has major prejudice against people with narcissism. I have listed them here with a bit of an explanation, and perhaps they may be of help to you: a person is not responsible for how another thinks (in other words, do you expect others to be responsible for how you think? Very poor social interaction. Narcissism is characterized by an inflated sense of I have no control over thiis as its the decision of the individual to decide for themselves. Does he do horrible things, yes. I didnt consider narcissism but some of those traits fit too. We have been in our current home for four years, and its part of a rental scheme where the rent is below market value. So i stayed solo and worked on myself. While I fret over finding best power deals, house insurance etc, he doesnt even notice and sits on his x box!! She knew how to push my buttons, and even as an adult would purposely try to hurt me. So how could i tell? I feel like you wrote this just for me. Just a true scientist in the tradition of Dee Bacon Plato etc Why would there not be any DSM explanation for people having autism doing something shitty or is the 1-sided autism made him/her do it? He compliments me on how I look etc, mostly physical things. This article is great and I love the comparison table. That is a topic I will probably never find the answers to, because I finally lashed out at her in an unforgivable way after she ripped my heart out for the last time. But hes manipulative & very Nasty, when we have words and always blames me for everything within the conversation , if I make a comment he takes it a derogatory comment towards him & after 25yrs Ive learnt how to word my comments, as I know he doesnt take the blame he has the ability to make you believe everything that said is my fault ( he was like that with his 1st wife ) but cannot see it . I might be too, just not as much as him so I try and sympathize with his unusual behavior but its getting harder to do. All I said to her was that she struggled with things like object constancy and devaluation etc. Thank you so much. So if i know how to get rich, i have the abilities to, why would i envy others success? Who says Autism isnt normal as it has to be normal for an Autistic person doesnt it, and how does a sufferer explain these difficulties to a prospective partner. I am me and she is her, we need to remain our individual selves, not become someone that we are not. This appears as a very one sided relationship. Its like a surgeon in a surgery room see a person bleeding to death and hes like well hope you will clean up the mess when you get better cauz i wont and leave I mean.. its insane They have 0 logic.. 0 brain. When trying to leave a narcissist it is hard and they will keep pulling you in if you let them. So on top of all that.. i am trying to convince myself that im smart, good, etc. I contacted her psychologist and asked if they tested adults. Even if i explain and show how my mother tried 3 times in 15 years to push me to suicide by enabling gambling and making me have loans i didnt even want. Im not a therapist and dont profess to be one. if I may add it to this reply. Not everyone wants to help like I do. Frederic, please try to encourage happiness, in yourself, and any person who understands you. Too many underlying issues causing the mental illness, Id say. And it was clear, looking back, his autism was in fact a bit to blame. I tick many of the boxes of the list in this article and its so confusing. Hes always been like this even as child he would compete with me and show me how he did things better than me. The person I encountered six months ago is very highly intelligent and kept telling me he was confused at times and aware Im being triggered by his behaviour. In the past I have family here If he goes away camping for the weekend etc but I want to be able to have my door open for them not just on those occassions. I been destroyed and they tried to ruin my life up to .. erasing it for decades. Recognize that your partner may derive pleasure from hurting you. I cannot be subordinate to anyone, not even to try and fit in or to climb the ladder. Break up and never look back. I know in my heart that Im not a bad man. I just came to the understanding that narcissism is a spectrum, and that my mother might be on it. The world upside down when you dont know yet that your family is a bunch of monsters trying to kill you since childhood who would.. even consider that as an option? Can you tell me more about this? AMAZINGLY because of the way he was and because of my self medication with wine to get through this. This article is 100% correct. Maybe they have to be taught, if willing. On the general issue what is most tragic about all these discussions, as well as the reality of the negative people and the denial of causes physical and otherwise is that these victims on both sides of abuse are using the language of the psychologist and psychiatrist you havent realised that they are your enemy to be simplistic because theyre false narrative is trapping you from getting help for yourself or the family Here is a link that gives quite a good explanation: autismspectrum.org.au/sites/default/files/Vic/The%20DSM%205%20Autism%20Spectrum%20Disorder%20criteria.pdf 3 6. We have mused together over the years that we are on our marriage version X.0 (I think were on 6.0 now), but this time is the final time shell put up with my shenanigans. Since they were all teaming up on me, i had no allies, i had no help. The unabomber didnt want to be touched by his parents when child and more autismtypical traits. I believe his Dad AND Grandfather were the same controlling, hurtful type of people. God I HOPE SO!!!. I feel totally blessed to have a 2nd chance and we have had a lot of terrific times together. Another suggestion, find your running boots before he drags you down and makes you believe you are all the things that are going wrong in his life. My personal view is that some on the autism spectrum can relate to animals far easier than they can to their fellow humans. This brought on the most horrendous fear in him which he still has trouble containing. Hope this helps. I would need some education myself to understand how I developed this understanding as I do feel its a positive. Lol how can society be prosper and happy when it is lead by monsters that work on self-destruction? Narcissists will try to reel you in by saying nice things, and if you let your guard down, they have you again. Break up and never look back. Robin. I have a stepmom with narcissistic traits and I have autisim, and this article is so right We dont get along very well. Its the detail that is the secret for this unfortunate person , to be unravelled, somehow , and that is where trust is crucial and most elusive. Always been told i am LAZY LAZY how.. i am ADHD too! There are many genuinely nice men in this world, but they dont continually go on that life is all about them. That was 10 days ago. It was very difficult growing up with an older sibling who was very manipulative and all about self. The narcissist harms other people because they are harmed themselves. His relationship with his Dad was very questionable. It is very important to me. I do not accept any kind of social heirarchies to me everyone is just a human being. there I said it, is the world still running? Dont give up as you will be holding the answers for yourself deep inside yourselves. or do these people require comorbidities with NPD (ASPD) and/or BPD to hoover? It is my understanding that autism is a developmental / brain wiring difference and narcissm is a personality disorder. They cant or wouldnt. People are not.. really smart in general, sorry for straight talking. I now know to be specific with the times if we are going out and not change them suddenly. Narcissism is a personality condition that ranges from mild to severe. verging on psychopath too, since he sat on me when I was pregnant and cut my wedding ring off with wire clippers once. That fact made me suffer so much, i believed people to be much smarter, better I never believed i was a genius or that smart, i just believed i was over the average and it was fine like that. My ex husband was a narcissist bordering on psychopathic. I think I may be a Narcissist/Sociopath. Its the only way, hes toxic and it wont ever get any better. I hate liars and evils but that i have to deal with it as everyone is around me so well ya lol. Narcissistic Personality Disorder exists on a spectrum. It is a neurologically caused developmental condition. Prior to 2012, people with mild symptoms, considered high functioning, were identified as having Aspergers syndrome. I spent my life thinking i was worth nothing ill try to be worth something now. Im very easy going although not a push over. One woman explained her narcissistic partner so well and all the things that had been happening to her and how she had such a guilt complex, that I could see my situation and this was a turning point in my life as well. I feel Im disabled in some way and technology isnt where I ought to be investing my time and my gifts. I know that this is the wrong thing to do but it is a powerful thing that certain people have over me, and try as I might, it is a habit that I have yet to be successful breaking. However, hes very one-dimensional and not connected to his feelings. Ever since we got together he has been judgmental, critical, controlling and insistent on being right about everything. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) occurs on a spectrum. All rights reserved. He is obsessed with his teeth. Neither she and my brother understand what upbringing can do in the way of damage and traumatisation. WebKatee is a narcissist not autistic. So very saddening. So i sit on my disability.. i write .. study.. take meds.. smoke some mari to help the anxiety and i just relax. But Im not so sure this is correct for those on the autism spectrum. A COMPLEX TRAUMA TEAM was set up and this turned out to be a life changer where therapy is concerned. But after reading comments on this website I am totally convinced it is narcissism with my spouse. This took a toll on me after 20 odd years and dealing with the lack of self worth he so graciously gave to me, I ended up becoming someone I didnt particularly like, value or relate to at that stage, my self asteem was at an all time low, this was in 2007 and I was 43 years old, at this stage I was not wearing my wedding rings and I was now quite self absorbed and looking mainly at my own needs. I am finally free from the emotional yoyo that was my life and feel such relief. If I give him space he finds the words. My family.. hates me with a.. mortal passion. I have a daughter living with me and she has level 2 autism. Many characteristics of each disorder are absent in the other. So i would not choose my friends/gf they were chosing me. Thank you for your GoodTherapy posts. I have a daughter that is Level 2 on the Autism spectrum. As far as possible I stay away from him and try to remember not to start a conversation. I went to visit a friend for a week and when I regaled him what we did he said you talk too much about her just blew me away considering the hours Ive sat and listened to him about his whole life. They pushed me and then sometimes helped or suggested me student loan or something like that, that they would sign for me etc. It was after almost 2 weeks without a single grain of rice. I knew who the abuser was in all three cases. Aspergers in Australia is now called Autism and is on the autism spectrum. I was convinced my husband is a narc and left him because of it. Now that I understand what makes her tick, I have been able to make adjustments to the way we interact and this has made our lives far better. What I have learned is he is who he is and he will never change. I wish people would actually ask autistic people before writing about them. Webnancy spies haberman kushner. This brings out the worst in him ,but at least Im no longer his whipping boy. He intentionally ruined an 18 year old's party." I try my best with them but my psy is a narc the type of my father (he physician boss in healthcare) and my therapists most are narcs too the weak ones like my mother. I really feel for the people there, they are getting many conflicting messages. I found it very difficult to find someone that would diagnose adult autism. I had to write to the director of the foundation here and expose the entire situation in a group email .. to force them into action. It all depends on the person and those are on the autism spectrum are difficult to understand. and that is, yes, the non-biochemical, non-material aspects and also non-spiritual Observe the persons behavior, dont absorb it. My main problem is that I still keep forgetting that I cannot treat him as a normal person, so I make problems for myself. 7. I did this often to remind myself what I was dealing with. Depression, by Paul Hauck 2. It was actually a turning point in my life. 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