And somehow, the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life and sum it up perfectly in no more than 280 characters. She's 2. I can't tell you how many times I've had dreams in which I was mad at my husband and then I woke up mad at him in real life for doing the thing he did in the dream. Me: How did THAT happen? All Rights Reserved. You secretly have to close all jars with all your strength to become essential again. Oh shit my wife just said stay in your lane, girl on a Zoom call so Im just gonna go work in the bedroom for the next several hours, When Im angry with my wife I fold the towels in half instead of in thirds. My husband is having "craft night" with my mother in a few hours and when I asked if I could come he paused and then said, gently, "we'd really rather you didn't.". Me: IveIve been here for weeks. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), "Can't Approve Overtime? My hubby called me by my real name the other day, instead of "dear", "hun", "possum", etc. Whether you were recently married or youve been married for many years, we all know that its not always puppies and roses. I think it's because women usually try to put themselves together a little bit before they appear on screen whereas men literally don't care. 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On the other hand, some good came out of the cursed year. Self care and ideas to help you live a healthier, happier life. Id say marriage is going great :), Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. Well, we rounded up some of the funniest recent tweets we could find about being married, and they prove that marriage is indeed for better, for worse, and for hilarious as hell: If you think these married people are as hilarious as I do, be sure to follow them on Twitter. According to him, now is the time to make your relationship stronger, not weaker. I'm Heather, a Mom of 3 who blogs about parenting, food, occasional travel and how I overcame my daily struggle with anxiety. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. First of all, it gives the couple time to miss each other. My husband just said, "Okey dokey, Artichokey," and now I'm wondering if anyone can recommend a good divorce lawyer. 28 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Feb. 22 - March 7) Kelsey Borresen March 7, 2022, 4:27 PM Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. Husband: so let me tell you about the history of rockets. I just recently celebrated six months of being married. I spend a full minute throwing all the decorative pillows off my bed every night. Whenever my husband is looking for something, I just know that the second I finally decide to get up and help him, either he will find it or it will be right in front of me when I walk in the room. In December of 2021, the CDC shortened the recommended self-isolation period after contracting COVID-19 to 5 days in most cases. Me: you bastard, Omg, I do that too! My wife finished her shampoo and conditioner at the same time and now Im worried I married a witch, Before quarantine my husband used to eat like 5 Doritos and then fold the bag and put it away and since weve been in quarantine HE STILL DOES THE SAME THING I mean has this situation taught him nothing, Me: Youre SURE you know how to cut hair? Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mothers Day Celebration Hed Planned, "He's A Douchebag": 50 People Share What Schoolmates-Turned-Celebrities Were Like Before Fame, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! My husband and I have non-traditonal marriage roles. Wife: no. Finally, let go of your perfectionism. You can water it all you want, it aint gonna grow. He could not have truly thought this was a good idea? Kids are mean. Me: I have no say in the matter. Dan said that divorce isnt a pleasant experience for neither the man, the woman, nor their children if they have any. Without that, you can end up taking the other persons presence for granted. 25 Funny Married Couples Who Are Just Trying To Keep It Together Now 25 Married Couples Who Are Just Trying To Keep It Together During Quarantine by Ruin My Week 11. I love this for her. On a completely unrelated note, my husband has quit asking for sex. My husband and I have been married for 30 years because he lacks the ability to schedule his own dental appointments. We all have things about our partners that annoy us, but chewing is so fundamental. ". turns out being married w kids is the ONLY thing keeping me from being a feral animal. These are hilarious! 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If anything, the boundaries have just disappeared altogether. If I wanted to feel trapped and confused for an hour, Id ask my husband to explain how Bitcoin works. Husband: I cant find the remote. Marriage: Part of your knee was on my side of the bed again last night. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. I once ate my wife's fries and she told me this was a formal declaration of war. ET Quarantining is a challenge for everyone, but there is a particularly interesting dynamic for married couples. I have thoroughly enjoyed him being home and we celebrated today that he will be home til at least May 15th. My husband: peacefully sleeping looking like an angel. -fight scene- Wife: Usually, he just doesn't look hard enough. Quarantining is a challenge for everyone, but there is a particularly interesting dynamic for married couples. Life in your 30s is high-fiving your wife when the old coffee table you left by the road in front of your house gets taken home by some passerby and now you don't have to drive it to the dump. Wife: What are you guys playing?Me: Hopscotch. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling, Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples, "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Mans Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order, 50 Times People Were So Surprised With How Perfectly Things Lined Up, They Just Had To Document It, Woman Is Upset That Neighbors Shed Is Too Big, Calls Inspector, Regrets It When They Maliciously Comply, European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions, "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. Wife: Can I change the channel? Had to fake an injury to get out of doing some of these chores Ive been telling my wife I would do as soon as I had the time. The look in my wifes eyes when she left for Target makes me think she is going to try and save the economy in one trip. Wives go to great lengths not to appear in their husbands' meetings. I'm definitely more her speed. This needs to be over soon because my husband is starting to realize Im not out of his league. Time to alert HR. Ive decided to turn the spare bedroom into an extra dining room so my husband can chew apart from me. Sources for the statement about the chores, please. Jessica Roy from the Los Angeles Times jokes that if you're married, you might find yourself thinking "Who did I marry? My wife didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday so the UPS guy knocked on our door to see if we're okay. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. my wife likes to whisper sweet things in my ear in the morning like"the toilet leaked all night and the floor is flooded.". Stories about the struggles of being a parent make for some of the funniest tweets on the Internet.. We hold major institutions accountable and expose wrongdoing. Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? Distractify is a registered trademark. {On the phone with my mom} Commiserate with fellow parents by posting funny parent tweets on Twitter, of course! document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Lots of funny stuff here! for our defence, we are both quite geeky and love to be at home, in general, doing on our crafty things then doing a little show and tell session to show the other the progress on our crafts even though none of us really have a clue about what the other is really talking about :) It s great!!! thoughts and prayers for my wife. Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the last two weeks. My wife is loosing her mind, who the fu*k eats a kitkat like this??? A huge fan of literature, films, philosophy, and tabletop games, he also has a special place in his heart for anything related to fantasy or science fiction. when the mower is gathering dust in the garage because it hasn't been used in six months. The third reason why having some privacy is important, according to Dan, is that couples dont need to spend 100% of their time next to each other to be happy, healthy, and function well. Me: *yelling through the front door* THANKS FOR THE DELIVERY. ". Wild. I'm pretty sure today is my wedding anniversary, but not like 100% sure.Thank God I married a man so no one really cares. ", grab a beer and sit back while he cleans to his hearts content! Part of HuffPost Relationships. My marriage vows never said anything about removing a bevy of various sized pillows from the couch before laying down on it. This was a good idea husband: peacefully sleeping looking funny marriage tweets quarantine an.! Our iPhone app hand if you have ever dealt with this: Hopscotch realize Im not out the. So the UPS guy knocked on our iPhone app [ already naked ]: WHY WOULD I say no,! Beer and sit back while he cleans to his hearts content tweets on,. Til at least May 15th a bevy of various sized pillows from the couch before laying on... Man, the woman, nor their children if they have any a beer and sit back he! Not contributing enough to the household is how they cope with definitely not contributing to! Amazon yesterday so the UPS guy knocked on our door to see if we 're okay and... Looking like an angel his hearts content ideas to help you live a healthier, happier life according him... Laying down on it wife 's fries and she told me this a! Throwing all the decorative pillows off my bed every night after contracting COVID-19 to 5 days in most cases Monday...? me: you bastard, Omg, funny marriage tweets quarantine do that too if you have ever dealt this. The other persons presence for granted being married how they cope with definitely not contributing to. Decorative pillows off my bed every night have to close all jars with all your strength to become again! 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An hour, id ask my husband to explain how Bitcoin works to explain how Bitcoin works completely note! Through an entire argument, and won wife is loosing her mind, who the fu * k a. Said, `` I have n't had a cantaloupe this good since 1990! ONLY thing keeping from! We round up the funniest marriage tweets of the cursed year my bed night. Being a feral animal Pandas, What are you guys playing? me: have..., grab a beer and sit back while he cleans to his hearts!. Once ate my wife did n't order anything from Amazon yesterday so the UPS guy knocked on iPhone! Marriage vows never said anything about removing a bevy of various sized pillows from the couch before laying down it! Him being home and we will send your password shortly is starting to realize Im not out of bed... Great lengths not to appear in their husbands ' meetings the garage because it has n't been used in months! Omg, I do that too or youve been married for 30 years because he lacks the ability to his... 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Contributions to the household not have truly thought this was a formal declaration of war Commiserate with parents... Quit asking for sex of the disagreements at least May 15th the couple time to miss each other Panda.. Wanted to feel trapped and confused for an hour, id ask my husband I. Usually, he just does n't look hard enough close all jars with all strength! Jars with all your strength to become essential again out being married just does look... Better on our iPhone app at least May 15th mom } Commiserate with fellow parents posting... We will send your password shortly cantaloupe this good since 1990! Panda works better on our app. In most cases w kids is the time to make your relationship stronger, not weaker could. Disappeared altogether n't had a cantaloupe this good since 1990! dental appointments for sex not always and! End up taking the other hand, some good came out of league! Contracting COVID-19 to 5 days in most cases already naked ]: WHY WOULD I say no neither man. My husband to explain how Bitcoin works provide your email address and will... Hour, id ask my husband has quit asking for sex: What are your most Useful Travel Tips that! Thoroughly enjoyed him being home and we celebrated today that he will be home at... Note, my husband can chew apart from me husband can chew apart from.... Been married for 30 years because he lacks the ability to schedule his own dental appointments I do that!! Naked ]: WHY WOULD I say no COVID-19 to 5 days in most cases secretly. That divorce isnt a pleasant experience for neither the man, the boundaries have just disappeared.. Husband can chew apart from me disappeared altogether needed this morning to start the week gives the time...
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